4 easy ways to lose your friends and alienate acquaintances

Check out this hilarious piece from @verseherder.


(1) Turn into a Tom Hanks

A Tom Hanks is someone who plots his way, by being a good person, towards the epicenter of his social circles. He is a trusted pillar of strength, loyalty and benevolence. The booming voice of reason in a cacophony of indecisive chirps. The one person who you can expect to step up and stop you from doing something impulsive.

Take any of the characters played by Tom Hanks in major motion pictures. He always does the right thing. No matter the environment, he is a flag-bearer of ill-timed rationalization. He leads his men into battle with the odds stacked against them. He gets over his wife being with another man because he found a metaphorical fork in the road. He deals with crippling disabilities by turning into a role model for others with similar problems. Only in Coen brothers’ version of The Ladykillers did he…

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